


Help is not needed.

by KarmaSansan



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Depressing, F/F, Family Issues, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Recovery, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-11-07 20:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20823056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarmaSansan/pseuds/KarmaSansan
Summary: Heejin tries to endure life but keeps getting broken by everyday events. Little does she know, those everyday events are serious issues that keep adding up and create more difficulties for Heejin. As she tries to collect pieces of herself, "breakpoints" happen again. This vice cycle has been happening for so long that Heejin ends up losing herself. Her reflection, blurry, distorted, heinous, reminds her more and more, every day, at all hours, minutes, seconds that pass, that she can't turn back time nor can she escape one of her biggest misery. Her family. Her mother. Her home. Herself. She doesn't even remember when or why... Or whom.Needless to say that she lies to herself, she completely knows what's wrong with her life, and as hateful as it is, as much as she despises it and as much as every day when she wakes up, this dull feeling penetrates her mind and threatens to attack her with whatever today has in store, Heejin cannot admit the truth to herself. Is it for hope towards what she loves, or once believed? Does she truly wish to go back or move on? Why can't she do that?





	1. Prologue - Beginning, insight

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this first part is an introduction of some sort, a prologue if you will, to start the story so that you'll have a bit of insight into Heejin's life. It's only a beginning, I wanted to start it this way and go with the flow. Anyways, enjoy reading!
> 
> Also, don't worry Heejin will get the help she deserves in time. She will break out of this excruciating cycle and revive her old dreams...! I hope.

Waking up, she doesn't need to hear that bullshit again. That stuff that makes her skin crawl and her breath hitch. An intense feeling of wanting to escape, or throw up, or even doing both and way more. She feels powerless, in front of the person she's supposed to love the most, the person she was supposed to love first and grow old with, always on each others' side somehow, as people say. Well, it wasn't the case. How did they come to this? Heejin doesn't have time for these rotten interactions, that would only pollute her heart even more. So she's leaving, just like that. Because she's had enough. Eventually, after running off as she did, she could hold a slippery moment of peace that takes shape in her mind and starts to implant itself in her brain the more time she spends away from that household, it would be great if this moment could bloom and grow to be a steady "core part" of her life; still she knows that this "slippery hope" will play as the substitute to her dream. It's sad to have "escape" as a dream, and not self-inducing activities or whatever people want and hope for these days. So, even if she's made a supposedly mistake now, by leaving the way she did, trying not to indulge herself even more into this mess, to feel better and breath again, Heejin will still come home, she can't escape home. 

But it's okay because she's not facing her mother right now, she avoided a breakdown, a crisis, a big tragedy, as she calls it in her head, trying to laugh it all off. Except that she's crying. Why was she crying when she should be used to it? It's making her sick. How is she supposed to go to school like this? A cold shiver that froze all of Heejin's body runs down her spine, and the thought of not going to school like she might have wanted to do today was actually more stressful than actually having to pass through all these classes with hundreds of people. She hopes her mind won't break so that her friends won't ask anything about her. Right now she wants the world to shut up... Or straight-up shutting herself down, sleeping for hours and hours until she feels at least a bit better.

And her "dad", always working, except when he's back in the house for the weekend, Heejin's pain doubles. He's consistently watching what she's doing, monitoring her as soon as she goes out of her room. Her parents make a good pair, she thinks. Too bad she can't be part of that family like she wants to be. She doesn't know what to follow, believe or even dream of. A part of her died when her family changed, and it's painful not because the change occurred, but because that means she was part of this family, a long time ago, when she felt like giving love and receiving it in return. Now what? What the hell happened? She painfully thinks, by a corner down the street... Somewhere. 

A fire always there in Heejin's body, that sometimes would rise up and burn everything around, even her own self. What was it? Hate, anger, doubts, extreme confusion. Bad stuff. It, too, was lurking in Heejin, creeping in her soul, menacing the girl by its unpredictability. It wasn't the only demon in there.

But today, Heejin does not want to indulge in these bad thoughts (and plenty more). She's leaving herself empty, stops her crying, weirdly enough, and the only question roaming around her brain was "Why?". 'Why, what?' she thought 'What am I even asking for?'. Silence. 'Why can't I endure that? Why can't I just live my life? Why can't I be loved? Why can't it stop and go back? Why can't everything just stop?' She stops her thoughts. Heejin doesn't feel regret over her past life, it's a genuine question. If everything changed so much, so "well", since people have ups and downs, why is it that this moment isn't just temporary? 'I've done it again..' Heejin is overthinking about stuff she overthinks thousands of time. That's painful. She thought she wouldn't but she can't help it in the end. 

The most painful question is always that "Why?" because it can mean anything, it includes so much, such a simple word... The atrocity that it became, how she uses it every day, for anything that happens... "Anything... I'm such a coward, heh, a weak coward..." She chuckles a bit, then proceeds to cry again, harder this time, against a wall. The sound of her tears falling onto the ground merging with the traffic next to her ear makes her feel miserable, she's coalesced with a fucking street, like her life doesn't matter and is just an everyday occurrence. But since she's such a liar, Heejin forces herself to think 'This is okay. I know I'm a coward by normalizing this shit. But since the pain fades a little, I don't mind, I don't care'. 

She doesn't mind doing an offense towards herself and throwing her pain away. She doesn't mind throwing herself away to forget. She doesn't care about killing her own feelings to abide by those of her mother, her dad did it so well... Heejin couldn't care less about being a coward, a liar, if the image she kept in her head can come back to life, if that "hope" she has for anything that's happening to be better still exists. Then killing herself and changing completely to end the pain is her priority.

At least today, or more like, at this moment. Tomorrow will be different, the following days too. Heejin is helpless, powerless, she knows this.

Because...

Heejin still loves her mother and is stuck between either being free and finally have peace to connect with herself more, or living under her mother's name and become what she forces Heejin to be and do, even undergo tragic events to please her, so that peace will come for her family and everything will be fixed easier that way.  
There may be other ways to have both. To not destroy something in the end. To be happy. But since Heejin is the problematic one here, she knows that between being selfish or selfless, two opposites, resides (herself and) an immense gap, with sharp edges. Which means she'll get hurt either way. And she knows that choosing one of them mindlessly is way easier than fighting for both, for some sort balance between the two, that... that's hard.

She's choosing the easy way out for now, because even if she'll "bleed out an enormous quantity of blood", it'll be faster and it will end things quicker. Because she's tired. Because she's tried but failed.

Because she's a coward and a liar.

Now she has to go to school and manage by some miracle to not being late. She really wants to just disappear into nothingness, so that nobody will know her, not even herself. Oh, wait, it might already be the case. That's why she can just think of disappearing so smoothly, so abruptly.  
Heejin doesn't even know exactly where she is since she ran out of her house like an idiot, not checking her surroundings, just so she could escape the inevitable. She was foolish. The breakdown happened anyway despite her running away from it, literally. And it wasn't even a big one. This day is horrible.


	2. Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heejin finally locates herself and goes to school. She's still hurt, today really is a terrible day, but she makes some encounters. Soon, she will have to work on a big project with her friends and new classmates. Will she be able to balance her personal life, school life, and social life? Besides, what will happen when she'll get home? See in the next chapters...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry if the story is rendered a bit weirdly, that's the beginning, it's a bit slow, but don't worry! I'll try to write something decent (also their school name is kinda lame but hey, I didn't know if I should've taken one of their actual school names or create one that had nothing to do with what they studied, weirdly enough, I mean since it's fiction...) Anyway, enjoy!

Heejin was finally able to locate herself and got on a bus, she's now on her way to school, she'll be late by about ten to fifteen minutes. It could have been worse but still, it makes her upset, because she'd rather crawl deep inside a hole and never come back at all, to bury all of those insane emotions. But she has to go, because of her mother (she can't just go back home, and if she misses school, she's doomed, to say the least), and she has to excel, she doesn't want to leave a record for being trouble at school... And the fact that she needs to go because she's scared, so scared that something bad will happen if she does what she wants, is making Heejin conflicted, even more exhausted and depressed than what she's left herself with. Heejin thinks, hesitant of even moving or finding a spot on the bus, she wants time to stop and let her catch up with life's pressure, just breath.

Sadly, it can't. Still, she's trying to get oxygen through her dry, stifling throat, her heart about to explode out of her chest. As her lungs compress and depress, she feels a sharp pain in her whole body, a shock of some sort, but sadly it isn't that unfamiliar... "Ahh... No calm down, calm down, it's okay...-" she whispers to herself, like a mantra. She chokes on her own comforting words, her voice cracking. Heejin violently pulls her hand onto her mouth, to silence herself 'Fuck... Crap-' she mentally curses when only she realizes that she's simply talking to herself, loneliness getting heavier by every second that seems way too long, it's painful. Eventually, her chocking stops, as she's shutting her eyes really hard, a deep frown forming on her face. Heejin's pale face replaced by a deep dark red color, her eyes almost matching her skin's shade after the sobbing stopped, she finally breathed a bit better by some magic, still, her face shows the true tremor within her, her pulse shocking any tranquility she felt before waking up this on this almost tragic morning. On the "bright side", she's just a tad bit relieved that she didn't have a crushing panic attack.

The trip is silent, the bus surprisingly not cramped. Heejin managed to calm down, her empty eyes fiddling to nowhere in particular. They seem dark, all light that was there, even if it was only because of the tears disappeared and evaporated in the burning, numbing air around her. Everything spins even when she tries to close her irritated eyes, an obscure feeling roaming around her, she wants to run away from it but can't, the dizziness and tiredness taking over. After realizing she was already on a seat in the back of the bus, she puts her elbow on the window by her side, then brings slowly her head in her hand's palm, gently as if trying to not break anything, trying to be delicate to herself at least, since she's alone and in pain.

A moment passes, then she feels something rummage beside her, she turns towards the faint noise of a fine tissue rubbing against another. She sees a short girl with ash-brown hair, searching for something in her backpack. The girl seems annoyed, her eyebrows almost touching with how much she contracts her face, then her oval eyes light up, a smile appearing on her red lips, as soon as she found something in it. '...Dumplings?' thought Heejin, 'why dumplings this early?' The shorter girl then sits next to Heejin and swiftly glares her way... The brunette turns awkwardly her whole body towards the window, feeling self-conscious of her own stare she gave to the unknown person sitting beside her. "Hey," Heejin hears, a low-pitched voice calling her "You're in my school right? The one with the singing, dancing, and stuff?" Continued the voice, its volume rapidly increasing. "Uhh, maybe... Is it Grand Parlor High School?" Heejin asks, her voice raspy, holding a confused tone and a stern face. She didn't mean to sound so out of it, she didn't want to be rude, but she just barely got out of her morning bullshit "Yeah, that one! I heard you sing in the... The singing room? Yeah, that's the name. Then we switched places and I went there, like, they wanted to evaluate our voices on criterias" the girl beamed, Heejin felt weird, being such a contrast to the dumpling girl's energy "Ah, that's right... Say, you seem younger than me" Says Heejin, genuinely curious, trying to put her bad aura away "Maybe I am" replied the younger girl with an unnecessary malicious tone. They stopped talking for a while, until "dumpling girl" questioned, a bit concerned "Are you alright? You seem agitated..." Of course, Heejin wasn't okay, but she didn't want to pour her heart out to a stranger, besides, Heejin was the one in the wrong, always. It's not even her blaming herself, that's the truth. 'The truth....' thought Heejin, then breathed out "I'm alright, it could be worse" that, on the other hand, was the truth. It definitely could be more horrifying, but this morning her tolerance was pretty low. The girl by her side thought for a second, then said "At least, we're 'late buddies' together!" she winked and Heejin couldn't help but smile a little "Ah, I guess".

The bus stopped and when the doors opened, Yeojin immediately screams "AH, my dumplings how could I forget?! I'm damned! They're cold." Yeojin's head went down, and Heejin laughed a bit, with their encounter the poor girl completely forgot about it. "Wait, what's your name?" Asked Heejin "I'm Yeojin, Im Yeojin. And you, late buddy?" Smiled Yeojin, moving on from her tragic dumpling incident "Well, I was going to call you 'dumpling girl' but now I don't have to. I'm Jeon Heejin, nice to meet you" Heejin regained strength a bit, and Yeojin seemed like a friendly person. The shorter girl laughed, then frowned jokingly, gesturing a cross with her arms "Ah, I already have a dumb nickname, no more". They finally said their goodbyes before being even more late.

Heejin settled down in class after excusing herself, the morning passing uneventfully, aside from her spacing out, deeply thinking about the disaster when she'll get home, or just even repeating this morning's mess in her head. She almost forgot that two of her friends were in her class until one of them shot her a glare, Jiwoo (not mentioning her second friend, Hyejoo, who was collapsed on her desk, maybe napping or dying because she gamed late at night). Jiwoo made hand movements to get the girl's attention, then she made different signs like a butterfly, a peace sign or even a dog shaped-sign which was abruptly stopped by their teacher, crushing Jiwoo's heart, her smile turning upside down. It was a cute dog-shape. Heejin shook her head, as a response, and tried to form a weak smile, but Jiwoo turned quickly on her chair before even noticing after the loud reprimand spat by the teacher.

Some time passed and it was finally lunch break, Heejin felt like crap, her appetite was almost non-existent. Jiwoo jumped on the girl, followed from afar by Hyejoo who remained silent, extremely sleepy. The girl clinging onto Heejin shouts "Hey! Why were you late? That's uncommon of you~" 'Can't she read the atmosphere?' thought Heejin, feeling oppressed and really not in the mood for this type of interaction "I'm tired, that's all, heh" replied the girl with a shaky voice. The little group starts walking to the cafeteria. Jiwoo thinks then pouts a bit, letting go of the tired girl's arm "You should sleep more! At a decent time too. Anyway, now we're going to eat and I'm starving! Ahh, I'd love some good food like-" Jiwoo then starts ranting about food, almost drooling. Hyejoo stares at her friend with judgemental eyes, then interrupts her "Who should we pair ourselves with?" "What?" Heejin is confused "Didn't you pay attention? We have a big project coming for a performance we'll have to work on. It like, plays a big part in our scholarship." Hyejoo monotonously explains. Heejin's eyes widen when realizing this meant more work to balance and take care of, take time from her life for this. Well, at least, this could make a good excuse to spend more time away from her house, in her room. Then Jiwoo immediately argues back "Coming from the girl who was dead and lied on her desk all morning!" Hyejoo ignores the comment, then continues, a bit hesitant "You seem weirder than usual today, Heejin" the said-girl just shrugs, looking in the distance, then kind of eases her own tension "Does that mean I'm usually weird?" a light chuckle, and just like that she avoided some suspicious questions. "Who knows?" nonchalantly says Hyejoo.

They arrived at the cafeteria and found the rest of the group. Jinsoul was furiously eating her food and was soon accompanied by Jiwoo rushing by her side to devour her plate just as gracefully as Jinsoul, Haseul was deadly focused on her phone, frowning hard at something with Yerim laughing hysterically, observing Haseul's reaction. Hyejoo sat in front of Heejin. "Argh, seriously, I lost just because I said "flying" instead of "gliding", that's harsh, you knew what I meant!" Haseul's irritated voice seemed to please Yerim who confidently teases the poor short-haired girl "What can I say, rules are rules, squirrels can't fly~ You need to square up, be sharper about your words Haseul" she crossed her arms and winked, wearing a big toothy smile, Haseul just sighs in defeat. They were playing a quiz game of some sort, and Yerim was particularly hyped up. Everyone talked with one another, Heejin was more silent than usual, her plate untouched even tough she ate almost nothing all day. She still answered some stuff her friends asked or reacted to funny moments.

"Guys who are we going to collaborate with to make the most 'swaggish' performance there ever was?" proposed Jinsoul, between two slurps from her noodle soup bowl, referring to the school project, the big performance. "We need to be twelve I think, and I already have an idea on who to call" smirked the purple-haired girl, rubbing her hands like a villain in a kid's movie. "Okay comrades, we better think of some time to be creative and passionate," Jinsoul declared. "How much time do we have already?" "Like 3 months? First, everyone needs to submit a group to M. Namgun, the one in charge of this big project, then we'll get themes for certain parts or whatever." Hyejoo explained (once again) "It's blurry after that, I think I fell asleep" "Wow, for a sleepy person you sure are attentive, even if it causes you momentary amnesia" interjects Jiwoo, laughing with Jinsoul and Yerim. Heejin chuckles quietly followed by a cough, all the screaming from this morning's bullshit finally taking effect on her voice, breaking it. Then her phone vibrates. Freezing, she stops fidgeting with her food, taking it out of her pocket, and immediately noticing a discomforting word: "Mom". The brunette gulps dryly, unlocking her phone discreetly under the table to finally read a disheartening message.

"Heejin, I won't be here tonight, you know that's for the best. Don't contact me until I do. Be considerate of how generous I am to let this morning's behavior slide. Deal with the consequences yourself when your dad will get home tonight."

Heejin freaks out 'What the hell? Dad comes back tonight? And she just... left?' she's supposed to feel relieved that she won't have to confront her mother once more today, but something about the whole message feels sick. Heejin would love to scream but she's not able to, not daring to look up towards her friends 'That's okay, that's actually fine, it's happened before.' she tries to comfort herself but something dreads over her. The frightened girl instinctively gets off her chair "I-I have to go to the bathroom." then skips fast towards the hallways. Her friends just sat there, looking at each other confused "What's happening with Heejin? I'm kinda worried" expressed Yerim, everyone nodding, not too sure about what to do between respecting the girl's privacy or being genuinely caring and worried for her. But right now, there was no point in asking questions when she might not be capable of answering anything.

Heejin rushed to the bathroom, bumping into someone "Ahg-!" she growls, then realizes who she pushed unintentionally "Yeojin?" "Woah, Heejin, are you alright?" the girl she met on the bus grimaces worriedly "Yeah, yeah I-I... I don't know I just need five minutes to- To understand something" Heejin shook her head, panting. Yeojin didn't know what to do really, so she pats the whimsy girl on her back "Hey, it's okay, what made you like... this?" Yeojin tries to look Heejin in the eyes, who was feeling intimidated for some reason "I... It's just a stupid thing really... I'm supposed to not care about it but it-" at that same moment the bathroom door opens, a purple-haired girl coming in "-it hurts...!" Heejin's wet eyes turn quickly towards the noise behind her, her friend Yerim now dumbfounded was staring right at Heejin 'Fuck!' she cursed mentally. "Yerim, what's up, what are you doing here?" Yeojin tries to smile but the tension is heavy, 'What would anyone do in a bathroom besides using them Yeojin, what the hell' thought the dumpling girl. To her surprise, Yerim's expression turns dark, her eyebrows emphasizing a deep concern "Heejin! What's wrong?" Yerim brought a hand to the girl's back but this one shudders and steps away from their touch. "I-I'm fine, I just feel a bit pressured I needed to breathe a bit I guess..." 'Why do you keep lying and fleeing any confrontation?' Heejin bitterly thought, torn apart between indulging into her own selfish needs or once again, pretend to be okay because it wasn't that much of a big deal, other parents surely did that too, everyone has problems, why bother more? She shouldn't act useless. "No, Heejin-" "I said I'm fine, leave me alone." Heejin cut sharply Yerim, then starts exiting the bathroom "I'll see you guys later I have something to do, let's forget that okay? That's dumb really.". Yeojin and Yerim glanced at each other once the door got closed "You know her?" Yeojin asks "Of course I do she's my frie- Wait you know her too?" "I met her this morning." "...What's happening... seriously, gosh-" Yerim relaxed her temples, moving restlessly around the bathroom "Something's off..." Yeojin scratches her neck, they both couldn't do anything since Heejin left and obviously didn't want to talk about anything.

The wind blew hard on Heejin's face, it was cold and almost sharp, cutting and burning her hot cheeks, mixing in a painful contrast. She was now outside, on a bench by the sports fields, they were empty. An airy silence filled Heejin's head, weirdly enough she didn't obsess over any thought right now, she actually just needed to breathe alone. Did it hurt being with her friends? Heejin knew that she felt more vulnerable around them, and didn't want to risk revealing anything. It scared her. She didn't want to lose them. Sure, you could say it's a stupid reasoning, but not for Heejin, being in the state that she is. So yes, it did hurt sometimes, lately even more than what people would call normal, which was originally not normal for Heejin who likes to think it's her fault. Then she heard a distant noise. Grass being crushed under the weight of someone's shoes. Was it a person running? Heejin observed carefully the owner of the destructive shoes as she turned toward the field behind her. A girl ran furiously. The wind grew violent, slapping the girl's face that stayed unphased, her hair gently following nature's pace. She was fast but her movements were graceful, powerful as she ran even through this harsh weather, the ground wet, her feet splashing water everywhere she stepped on, it was almost a beautiful sight. Heejin locked eyes with the brunette who finished her workout. They stared curiously at each other for some time, then the supposedly athletic girl went to pack her things (that she set down by the benches) and change clothes, but making a quick stop before getting to the locker room. The tall runner sat at Heejin's bench, with a pleasing sigh, stretching and wiping slight drops that pearled off her forehead with a yellow towel. Heejin didn't know if those were drops of sweat or rain, but she couldn't tear off her eyes from the strange unknown girl's face, sitting close to her. The mysterious wet brunette tilted her head, carefully watching the girl beside her, that just responded with opening her mouth to form inexistent words then closed it again. 

Suddenly, Heejin's phone rang, she answered and heard muffling noises of different people speaking and loud noises of slamming objects "Where are you?!" it was Jinsoul, shrieking through the phone "It's like a literal food war over here and a small child joined us, apparently you know her??" the "small child" vociferates back to Jinsould "What did you call me?!?!?" "Ah-AGh- come on I'm on the phone wait a sec- Yeah, Heejin, we're all going to be meeting late this afternoon at-ACK WHAT THE HELL??" more ruffling sounds, as if the phone was being violently thrown around the whole school. Heejin turned to the previously running girl, who raised an eyebrow, the brunette might have heard the mess on the phone. Heejin's company then looked away, trying not to be intrusive. "Ah- Heejin, hello?" Jinsoul sounded lost as hell, her voice volume still high "Yeah, I'm here, how did it become so noisy in two seconds since I left?" Heejin frowns, clicking her tongue "Well, that's a long story, but it's not my fault just so you know- An-ANYWAY! Stop pushing me Jesus- Well we'll meet up at 5 pm by the music room 202 okay? Also, I'm worried, why did you leave? Do you feel better? Was it the food or something? I hope it's not a bad situation..." Jinsoul wasn't screaming anymore, hoping that her troubled tone could get through "It's okay, I'm fine now, that happens sometimes you know? I must be tired." Heejin felt lighter but "fine" was still an enormous word shading the truth. "Okay- later th-" Their call was cut short. Heejin's cold hand puts away the phone. As she looks around, the mysterious brunette girl left.

The wind blew hard on Heejin, left alone in the cold field, rain pouring down on her. The bell rang, she had to get back to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm the author. I know this was pretty uneventful but I needed to start by something (also I was kinda tired writing this, but it's not an excuse)! Stay tuned for future updates, I already have ideas for what's coming next. You can always suggest things, leave kudos, subscribe or do nothing. Sorry if my updates are a bit slow too, that's because I have school things to attend to, but It'll be done in a week! I try to balance things, as well as my personal life (I just got back to writing after a long period that was dark and heart-breaking, but I'm getting better now, so I might need time to adjust, but I'll never leave you guys hanging for weeks). Thank you for reading, I'll see you soon.


	3. In room 202, they all meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The entire group finally meet as they organize their school project. The day goes smoothly and Heejin feels light, laughing with these new people despite their reputation. But Heejin still has to get home and by the end of the day, she's anticipating it... with fear. What will happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I changed the text's formation a bit so the paragraphs aren't as big). Beginnings are necessary, but very soon now we'll delve into the real story, look forward to it!

When Heejin got back to class, she didn't dare look at her friends' faces. A wave of guilt made her sweat. Even though she didn't do anything to them, she felt uneasy. Was it because she left them so suddenly? She didn't know. She was used to her feelings' irrationality by now. Never knowing why or how, she just felt bad, terribly bad. But something diverted Heejin's attention when she sat down at her desk, droplets of cold water ran down her legs. Even if her hot skin was shielded by a big trench coat at the time the rain poured on her, it still drenched her clothes. Her hair wasn't that soaked, but still dripping a bit with water, and now drops of rain surrounded the girl, all over the ground around her. So now she was cold and classes were about to start. And she was making a mess on her chair. 

Before they began though, a light tap on Heejin's shoulder snaps her out of her "trance". She hears a low voice sighing "Are you stupid? Why did you stay in the rain? What's up with you..." It was Hyejoo speaking slowly, almost irritated but calm. She handed Heejin a red, fluffy scarf. The brunette's eyes scanned the younger girl's hand, then her face, then back at her hands again "...What do you want me to do with it?" Smiled awkwardly Heejin, shifting in her seat. She searched for Jiwoo instinctively, to see if she might come too and if Heejin should prepare to feel even more uncomfortable. She then saw the older girl talking with someone unknown in front of the classroom, she always got along with tons of people... 

Then Hyejoo broke Heejin's scanning. "Use it as a towel or something, aren't you cold?" Hyejoo's expression deepened into something unidentifiable, maybe her way to care for her friend? In any case, it made Heejin look away with a pained face "T-Thank you...". The scarf was warm to the touch, its checkered pattern showing a beautiful gradient of red, the texture resembling silk, although it wasn't. It made Heejin's pressure go down, a familiar feeling brought by this simple piece of clothing, something old and sweet, something radiant. The wet girl snapped back from her thoughts and gasps slightly "But, I don't want to mess it up and leave it all wet!" as she finally looked her friend in the eyes. The raven-haired girl just chuckles a bit while turning around "Too late, besides you don't have any other option to dry off right now" she says, her hand lifting into a peace sign. 

The class began, and Heejin used the scarf quietly, putting it around and wiping herself with it, trying not to get noticed by her teacher. She was thankful to Hyejoo at that moment.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

It was finally 4:30 PM, Heejin was finally dried off on most of her body, today was a long day with no breaks after lunch because of some tests that the brunette may or may not have passed. She was a good student, a hard-working one, but she never knew when she succeded a test or not... Or anything at all. She wanted to be perfect, to do things perfectly, and she sometimes was too hard on herself, which put another pressure upon her. Aside from that most of the time, it was because of a lack of confidence. It's been so long since someone has been rooting for her, has been supporting her in a healing manner. Heejin wasn't demanding of anything, she'd rather give to her friends than to get helped by them, that's why she hides, lies. 

But being alone all of the time became more and more unbearable. And having nothing to truly rely on, to guide her with what she does and feels became like some sort of liability. She doesn't blame anyone but herself, even when she knows that she's just a victim in this or at least a casualty to her education, that the real "perpetrators" of her miseries aren't just herself. Still, it's easier to hurt yourself when you're selfless towards your health, and only want to fill mindlessly some sort of perfection. 

It would have been better if she knew how to react to things... And a few times happened where Heejin's mouth was a bit too "slippery", on the verge of letting out her pain for all to see, because of things happening at the time that reminded her of it. She would've been so relieved... But a quick hand on the "mistake" and cough was enough to shove down these burning words she desires to scream at the world. It's something along the lines of "Help me" or "I'm hurt" or even "Save me". Too bad that her friends have no idea about the turmoil her heart feels, about how Heejin bleeds and how every day gets worse, she contained it all better before, but something made her realize her pain, how badly hurt she truly was after a conflict. And soon she'll have to make a choice when she understands the reality around her.

But for now, she quickly dismisses those thoughts when she weights the pros and cons. In her eyes, she should hold it in more. It's part of "life" as a certain someone said... With her "motherly charm" and ways that are supposed to guide a child. Heejin supposes that it worked since she shuts up all the time. Until she'll break once and for all... Or else. She doesn't even know what she has herself, so how would people understand?

Heejin misses how it felt way before all of this, but she can't seem to remember it sadly. Some other burnt memories, their phantom colors haunting her. She wishes to hold them in her sleep to protect them and never let them go, so when she wakes up she could color her world with it, and finally grasp onto something warm within her, without any exterior help. But whenever their presence appears in her dreams, it only makes her cry when the morning rays hit her windows and awake her. Crying, still as clueless as before. As always.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Heejin decided to arrive a bit early to the meeting, since their class ended 30 minutes before its usual time and that she's got nothing to do. Hyejoo went to get something to eat at a vending machine, and Jiwoo had to give subscription papers for a club (Heejin doesn't remember which one since her friend left so fast because she was supposed to give the paper sheets three days before or something).

Heejin was now in front of room 202's door, the "music room". As she turns the knob, she hears faint voices get through the more she opens this door. The first thing Heejin notices is how spacious the room is, with shelves full of diverse books and other objects in boxes at the back, plus instruments against the walls, red walls. The ceiling wears a grayish-blue color that resembles both the sky and space and the floor was made of wood with a light color. The overall blends well together, and as vivid as these colors may seem, they're actually not blindingly bright, the room's shadows mixing well with the colors Heejin then brings her eyes towards the mirrors attached to the left wall. It was a fancy place to work at, its features corresponding this what this school is teaching.

But then, what catches Heejin's attention next were the voices she heard a bit earlier, they seem to be coming from the back. Why were people here? With small steps, the brunette walked towards the noises. She finally arrived in the back, behind the shelves, she observes as a big brightness welcomes her, it was a huge window built in the back. Then when her eyes adjusted, she sees people, girls arguing...? 

"You can't do that, that's just- ugh, disgusting!" a dark-haired girl with blond highlights says, grimacing. "You can leave if you don't want to be part of this, you know. You'll just miss one of the greatest steps in human history." a smaller girl with golden hair says in a defensive tone, her voice soft-spoken. "I don't think a challenge like that is a big step, you'll just choke or worse" grumbles the girl with the highlights. 

"I have faith in her, you can do it Chaewon~ I support your choice~~" grins mischievously a slim, taller girl wearing a cap, as she thumbs up. The smaller girl apparently called "Chaewon" smiles warmly, as another girl with red-hair standing by the window adds, asking the 'cap-girl' "Wow, you changed your speech from before. Have you had enough of her clownery?". The taller girl laughs bitterly as a response then asserts sadly "Yeah, do whatever you want, she doesn't care about what I have to say anyway. And, well, as they say, if you can't beat them join them." What the girl with the cap said earned different chuckles around the room.

Now that Heejin thinks about it, she might have seen this group somewhere... A lot of people talk about them for some reason.

Then the girl with the highlights breaks Heejin's thoughts. "If you throw up because you can't eat these candies all at once, that's your problem, I don't ca- AHH!!" a "pterodactylian" scream of some sort destroyed Heejin's ears, resonating through the room, followed by a thud. The shrieking girl tripped on her feet and fell after seeing the content of a pink box held by another girl that surprised her, a brunette. How many girls were in here? Heejin couldn't really see her face through the shelves, but she heard the brunette's sweet giggling. "That was too good, oh my g- Haha!!" the girl bends a little each time she breathes out a laugh, still holding carefully the box, trying to not disturb its content. "YOU PSYCHOPATH!! How dare you?! My heart died a little... I forgot she brought that THING!" The girl on the ground scolded, as she got up and dusted off her pants. "Oh, Jungeun, don't call it that~ Poor insect" dramatically says the brunette holding the box. Then the red-haired girl by the window chuckles "Says the person that always teases Yerim for her choice of pet" "Shush" responds the brunette, putting the box away on a small table, then sitting on a chair close to it. "Why did she even bring it here?" frowned the girl with highlights, now calmed down.

'Yerim?' thought Heejin, then she decides to finally show up. She walks in front of the group, as they all turn their attention to her except the girl by the pink box. "Hello" politely says Heejin. 

"Who are you?" asks the girl named Jungeun. "I'm Jeon Heejin and I have a meeting there soon." The group looks at each other, except the girl by the box who's dead on the table and the golden blonde that shuffles through her bag. "Are you the group that's famous because you do stuff that's sometimes scary? As I heard" The group once again exchange looks. The girl by the window answers after thinking a bit "Ah, that might be us. Did you hear we're famous because of the challenges we do? Or because of the strange activities we do, at night?" "Kahei!" interjects Jungeun, with an annoyed face. Chaewon then adds with a smirk and a plastic bag by her mouth, as her hands were full, zipping her Eden blue bag "That'f the twuff though, when you ffink about it." 

Then the girl wearing a cap laughs and extends a hand "Hey, I'm Ha Sooyoung, nice to meet you. And maybe you've heard, but this is Jungeun who loves cleaning, laughing and also just screamed like a maniac-" Jungeun's mouth opened wide "I did not!-" "-Whatever, whatever." gestures Sooyoung, as she continues "Here is Wong Kahei, who's really calm and can travel really fast when you call her, she's like a driver but fun." Kahei smiles a bit and shrugs "There you have Park Chaewon who loves to do stupid stuff that's hella funny, actually I don't know how she manages to stay alive but she does" Chaewon now has her mouth free, but a plastic bag with weird colored candies in it was still hanging from one of her hand. The candies looked suspicious. 

Chaewon points out to Heejin "Don't let her fool you, she acts like she's cool but she's actually spiritually old and can't take our bullshit sometimes." "You say that, but you actually burned my kitchen trying to cook nuggets by yourself. I think my reaction was reasonable." The brunette argues jokingly, as Chaewon chuckles "ALMOST, please, I'm not a pyromaniac". Heejin snickers, her eyes forming small crescents as sweet feelings traveled her body. For once, she approached people naturally, she wasn't scared despite the rumors. Something made her want to meet them.

Sooyoung puts a hand on Heejin's shoulder "Oh, and you might have noticed but a wild cat sleeps over here-" she points towards the pink box. The brunette girl beside it stretches to the sound of her nickname. The sunlight illuminates her expression, every ray penetrating a strand of her hair, drawing her perfect face. She was practically glowing now that she moved a little closer to the window. Everyone in here was pretty, but this girl particularly left Heejin feeling... curious. 

Heejin notices only now, but the rain stopped. 

Then the "wild-cat" lazily looks at Heejin's eyes. As they stare at each other, Heejin realizes that this was the girl running earlier, the mysterious brunette. "-she's like a cat, really athletic too. She's quite eccentric, but hey, we're all kind of special here. Her name's Kim Hyunjin." finishes Sooyoung. 'Kim Hyunjin... so that's her name' Thought Heejin. The cat-like girl gets up, staring in Sooyoung's direction. She says unamused "You introduced us to a stranger". Sooyoung adjusts her cap, smiling back towards Hyunjin, sarcastically responding "Oh, no, now she knows how we truly are~ I made such a HUGE mistake, how could I?~ Have I no sense?" Chaewon chuckles, then Hyunjin stops Sooyoung by a quick move of her wrist. Then she acknowledges Heejin's presence and practically whispers "Hey", these three simple letters harmonizing to let out a sweet and soothing voice. "Hey" waves back Heejin.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

The doors to the music room then opened once more, a crowded company arriving this time. 

"That's a scam Hyejoo" "My hunger isn't a scam, what??" "That vending machine is super expensive, you weren't gonna starve to death you know?" Haseul and Hyejoo's voices resonate through the room "Don't judge me! What are some metal pieces compared to hunger? Nothing if it's for this!!" Hyejoo brandishes a snack bar already bitten with thick layers of chocolate. "You bought 4 of those" continues Haseul. "Why is everyone so dramatic today?" asks Jiwoo. Everyone silently shrugs, as Jinsoul, Yeojin, and Yerim got into the room as well. Then the people in the back move to meet the people by the door, Hyunjin taking the pink box with her, and Chaewon hiding the strange candies in her cyan bag before following the group's movement "Ah, I didn't even get to do my challenge..." whines the girl.

"How is my little roach doing?~" exclaimed Yerim as she took the pink box from Hyunjin's hand, her eyes squinting with joy. Yerim takes out the cockroach that was inside, letting it walk freely on her hand and arm. "Ah, gross" comments Jungeun. Heejin did know Yerim had a pet, but not this kind of pet, still she stayed silent. She watches as the group meets, some people already knew each other. Hyejoo and Chaewon were talking about something from a video game, accompanied by Yerim and her cockroach, Jiwoo hugged Jungeun and greeted her with an "It's been so long!!". Yeojin hand-shakes Hyunjin mentioning how she got "kidnapped by the other group" when a food war started, which leaves Haseul, Sooyoung, Jinsoul, and Kahei talking. Heejin awkwardly looks around, as she slowly makes her way towards Hyejoo, to give back her scarf. 

Once that was done, Yerim starts talking. "Okay, everyone! We're all here for the school project. I brought you all here because I thought it was a good idea! Some of you know each other already, I know all of you, and I think we'll make a good group." 

Jinsoul and Haseul start arranging chairs (that they found in a small storage room in the back, Heejin didn't notice it existed before) in a circle. 

Everyone sat down, then Yerim explains, reading from a paper sheet "For this project, we have to create a piece of music, a choreography for the music and find clothes to perform in it. We can use various stuff from school and outside of school, but our music should be unique, should have something special... There's no particular theme except the content of this project that we have to produce. We're free to create any style, except extreme or indecent stuff... The music should be a minimum harmonic through its melody and/or instrumental... blah, blah, blah,... Yeah, we have to sing, we can use different softwares to create an instrumental or directly use instruments... We can ask teachers or exterior people for help with technical stuff or effects we want to create... blah, blah, okay that's it!" 

The girls wear a pensive expression, considering what they should do, what they can do. This was one of the biggest, and probably the hardest school project they've been given, but it was important. Haseul breaks the silence, leading their work "We should choose a theme first, what we're going to write as lyrics. And what music style we want." Jinsoul gushes "I have an idea! We can create different groups in charge of different parts, so that we can be efficient" Jungeun then proposes "Yes, who's more comfortable with singing, dancing and stuff? Who would like to be in charge of what?"

So after some thinking, debating and such, they finally decided the composition of each group. The dancing group is made of Sooyoung, Yerim, Hyejoo, Jungeun, Hyunjin, and Heejin, they'll create the choreography and interpret it for the others. The singing group/lyricist group with Hyunjin, Jiwoo, Jinsoul, Haseul, Heejin, and Chaewon, they'll write the lyrics' raw version and interpret it as well. The instrumental + costume group is composed of Haseul, Kahei, Jinsoul, Hyunjin, Yeojin, Jiwoo and Heejin.

There is also a sub-group that supports the others (gets in the dance, instruments and singing sessions) and provides them with the resources they need (for example a teacher/professionals that can give advice, textiles and other materials for the costume, instruments, etc). They rotate between groups. The support group is made of Yeojin, Kahei, Chaewon, and Hyejoo.

That will be the arrangement for now. They also decided to meet up at least one Friday out of two, because on Fridays they all have fewer classes and finish early, surprisingly. The group will discuss the progress they made and how to coordinate it all with everyone. They also decided to create a group chat named "LOOΠΔ", to share stuff. The name came out after some thinking.

"If anyone would want to make changes in the future, tell the group." finishes Haseul, closing this "session" with everyone. Today is a Monday, and it's now 6:30 PM. Everyone kind of yawns as they get up, taking their leave. There are two spare keys for the room, and of course one more with the school. The girls decided to leave these two keys with Haseul and Jungeun. The two close the door when everyone got out, going their separate ways.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Heejin was now with Jinsoul and Yeojin walking to the bus stop. 

"So, what was that food fight that happened?" asks Heejin, as the sky darkens sooner than normal, signifying the change of seasons. "OH" shouts both Jinsoul and Yeojin at the same time, recalling the events with a frown. They look at each other for a second, then Jinsoul explains "Well, when you left, Yerim left soon after. Then she came back with Yeo...jin, over here. That kid talked really fast back then and-" "My name's Yeojin! Also, get to the point" loudly says the shorter girl "I'm doing it, don't be so impatient!". Heejin chuckles while watching the two. 

Jinsoul continues "So they got back and sat with us but before Yeojin went to get some food. While she did that, Hyejoo suddenly shouts "Fuck!" out of nowhere and hits the table where her food was. We all look at her. And her... well she watched something on her phone." Jinsoul moves her hands to create some effects.

"But then by some supernatural magic, a brownish squishy thing flies all the way through the cafeteria! The thing literally flew so far, we thought magic was involved. Until it splashes loudly on a dude's face. There's a heavy silence, then he looks to our direction, and we instinctively all screamed at Hyejoo that we'll kill her once more after we'll get killed by him. But actually he looked a table not too far away, not us, and he gets up then splashes food on another dude! It felt like they were rivals from a tv show or something" 

Yeojin frantically explains what's next "Then I come back with my food all happy, and this other dude throws something really hard at the previous one, except part of it flies to me, so I'm disgusted and annoyed. I wanted to throw stuff at him too but Yerim came to me and guided me to the table until another girl fricking pushed me and my plate flew too and ended up on someone's face. It was a mess. The people thought it was the girl that did it so they aimed at her, except we were still there!!" Yeojin wears a shocked expression.

She continues "Then your friends' table gets up because they feel the chaos that lurks!! Everyone gets mad and attacks each other with water, tissues, trash food that they didn't finish, all that they could find. Honestly, I was surprised. So I launched water at Jinsoul because she was there, after all, I lost my food so whatever right? But she gets mad and kidnaps me into the mass so then we get harassed too. But it was fun."

Jinsoul glares at Yeojin, then her expression softens. "Yeah, it was I guess. Until Haseul kidnapped us once more in a place where nobody was, all that to scold us... And Hyejoo didn't even get yelled at, I even saw her throw stuff and laugh hysterically when the fight broke out!!"

As Jinsoul and Yeojin protest and finally crack up talking about this story, Heejin can't help but laugh really hard too "This day was crazy apparently!" "Yeah, that was unbelievable." Replies Yeojin, then she adds proudly with a smile "After that Hyejoo still bought me sandwiches from a vending machine since I didn't have anything else to eat, so that's cool. She seems dark and unbothered but actually she's cool"

Their walk finally came to a stop, as Yeojin and Heejin arrived at their bus stop. Jinsoul has to walk a bit farther to catch another one. They say their goodbyes, with laughs and smiles. The bus arrives shortly after and Heejin and Yeojin get in.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

The trip turns silent, Heejin looks out the window. The lights illuminating the streets, reflecting onto the bus's glass. Until Yeojin comments warily "You have that same expression from this morning." Heejin looks at Yeojin, her eyebrows lifted. Yeojin shuffles through her bag, a feeling of déjà vu from this morning, then her small hand offers something to Heejin, as a grin appears on her face "Here, sugar. To feel better if you're tired or... something else." In her palm was three chocolate candies wrapped in their original paper. "Ah, thank you" Heejin takes the candies and put them in her pocket. She bows slightly to Yeojin, not knowing what else to say, still wanting to express her gratitude. The gist was sweet. Heejin smiles.

Yeojin shakes her hand in the air "It's nothing! You're cool so you know, I gotta share my addiction with my future friends." Heejin tries to hold in laughs, but her facial expression says it all. It moved her, being called a future friend by the girl she literally just met this morning. She jokes "You have a sugar addiction? I'll call the police, don't sell me your candies!" Yeojin giggles and answers "Oh no!! Please, I thought I escaped them!". The two burst out laughing, some people on the bus turn to them with confused faces. 

Then it arrives at Yeojin's stop, as she asks "You don't get off?" Heejin responds "I have two or three more stops". "Okay, well goodbye, take care!" Yeojin flawlessly jumps out the bus, as Heejin waves back, her eyes forming crescents.

When she rested her head on the glass, it all came back to her. As the bus drives away from the stop. Suddenly Heejin regrets not following Yeojin... But to do what? She'll just get into more trouble. Now she just has to feel the heavy tension that reigns on the bus until she gets home. Heejin eats one of the chocolate candies from her pocket to gain courage and closes her eyes. She's preparing herself mentally, anticipating the worst, wanting to rest for at least some seconds before arriving home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thanks for reading this chapter of "Help is not needed"! I'm the author, and I wanted to tell you that I'll take my time to write this story, as I have personal other projects happening + school and personal life. But don't worry, I'll regularly upload it because I want to write what's next. This story takes more time than the others, as sensitive subjects are being explored.  
I hope you enjoyed it, you can leave kudos, subscribe or whatever you want! I'll see you soon. Until then, take care.


	4. Back "home"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heejin goes back to her house, anticipating the worst to come. She meets up with her dad and before she could even regret being scared, violent sobs take control of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /!\Disclaimer, edgy behavior ahead, I won't spoil the chapter but what happens is quite sad and dangerous, if you're sensitive to these type of things please be aware (this story might not be the best for you if that's the case. It takes time and hurting before healing. This is what I'm trying to write). There's nothing too violent but still, I put this here in case of. /!\
> 
> This chapter is shorter but I feel like it's needed for the story's rhythm, for the next chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it and don't worry, things will get better... Probably :O

Heejin's boiling legs kept moving and moving on their own. The wet grass at her feet bent at every restless stomping, the shocks getting harder and harder against the ground, with messier movements, all due to the state she was in. Squishy sounds were made under her resembling wincing noises, the only way Earth can complain about Heejin's destructive feet, or just a way to echo her troubled mind and lift some of that unhealthy loneliness.

It's been 20 minutes since the shaken up brunette girl couldn't stop fidgeting, every second getting heavier as questions filled her mind, as uncertainties and anger flown through her vain more and more.

The hazy sky expressed some sort of coldness, a hurtful silence making room for even more hurtful, future words, future thoughts, and sights. The sky displayed such pretty colors though, a true kaleidoscope of beauty filled with shining stars, empty from Heejin's point of view, her glassy eyes peering through them. The colors strained her vision too much, they were too out of reach.

The only light illuminating her tonight was from the moon... and the house in front of her. Lights turned on, waiting for something, the girl suspiciously remarks.

Heejin didn't want to go home. Heejin had nothing else to do. So she felt like nothing. Nothing through this whole spacious world filled with admirable people and clever displays, they were able to show off some sort of magic that Heejin could never grasp, and can't seem to remember if she already did once before.

It was life. 

Not knowing where to stand or where to go, she could only mourn her small and despicable, distorted life. Or, it was more the way she would simply watch her own life, reflecting what she's supposed to live in and to be, that saddens her. What she can't be "bothered" to do, she forces that last thought to once again suppress the painful truth of how powerless she was, covering it behind laziness. 

After five long minutes, the inevitable happened. 

Her shaky, pale hands almost missed the doorknob if it wasn't for the way it helped her stand on her legs when they were finally drained of all their energy. Only this poisonous, lonely fear remaining, being the only source of the fragile unsettlement filling her lower body, shaking her up.

Finally, a warily anticipated clicking sound rang through the silence as Heejin inserted her keys, fitting so perfectly through this wooden door that unlocked itself, one step away from bringing to Heejin's view a bitter place she sadly irritatedly calls (or should call without second-thoughts...) "sweet home", seeing it too much for her liking while still not knowing anything about who resides there and what really happens.

Slowly, one step into this house. Heejin grows a glassy, thorny throat.

Slowly, a second step, almost passing the door. Her throat tightens and the glass is on the verge of breaking, the thorns stinging her.

Quickly she closes the door behind her. She gulps air, that cold air from outside bringing it inside.

Freezing up, she looks around the living room before taking off her shoes.

'Everything's okay, it's gonna be fine...' Heejin repeats like a mantra. She took off her warm clothes and was now hungry, but hunger rapidly left her mind when she focused back onto the bigger problem.

Making sure the way was safe with no one in sight, she rushes to her room and stumbles a bit while going up the stairs, her heart is beating extremely fast and if she doesn't do anything it might stop or explode and bleed and drown her with waves of dark thoughts and tormenting feelings.

Until she bumps into someone once up the stairs.

'Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fu-'

"Heejin, ahh. What a surprise! Were you looking for me? You came back later than usual." A grown-man taller than Heejin stood in front of her, his posture strong and tall.

He pronounced those words with a deadpanned tone, but his squinting crescent eyes and small smile would fool other people believing his voice and face to be genuine.

Heejin's throat puts pressure on the invisible glass inside, the vines constricting themselves. She didn't say a word, she didn't have to, her dad wasn't finished and she knew that oh-so-well. Too well.

"I heard from your mother that you've left so suddenly? Do you realize what you did? And before that, you said..." Heejin stopped listening because she knew what she said. She knew what happened.

...Right?

Everything feels like a blur, now that she thinks about. Flash movements, images, some words thrown around but not their full sentence and context. Does she... Not remember this morning?

No. Heejin can still feel how horrendous their heated interaction was. How her mother's words cut deep through her whole being, how it made her terrible and depressed. She definitely knew how to wound Heejin with simple words, but did she knew her daughter? It made Heejin shiver, as she doesn't even know what kind of woman her mother became after it all turned to the worse.

It made Heejin miserable.

And apparently, she can't even remember the context that provoked these marking feelings sticking to her heart. Stinging at her heart and piercing through it. Small crumbs falling and blocking her happy memories.

'That's... fucking sad...' Heejin expresses in her head, a heartache stronger than her mind, erasing it. She finds herself grief-stricken, and that's a dreadful way to be.

"You didn't listen at all." Heejin's dad's sermon is enough to break her thoughts. His deadpanned tone voiced out once more, this time with piercing eyes glaring through Heejin, his furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips were as cold as this unforgiving weather outside.

Everywhere is cold, even in the brightest place amongst the dark night, where warm lights and decors exist, such cold and tiring settings are put in place, staining the brunette.

Heejin had a place to go back to once long and exhausting days of school were done, she had a place to eat when her family troubles weren't wearing her out that much, she had a place to sleep if she had made no mistakes with the place's owners, but she was lost nonetheless, and she couldn't deal with everything these days. She could plead a million times, nothing will change. She might have already pleaded a million times but she gave up rightfully, she thinks.

"Why are you such a disappointment? We try to do our best for you but you can't even see that we get tired too? You're selfish, Heejin. We do our parent's job and you just spit on us like that?" he took some steps closer with determined feet, Heejin naturally closes her eyes but nothing came at her.

"That condition you have is none of our problem, nor our fault. You can't even do good at school lately... We didn't raise you to be useless. Still, we try but you NEVER understand."  
Heejin just can't open her sealed eyes, scared to let tears escaped. Sure, she was sick. She had a mental condition that was hard to live with. But her parents didn't help at all, and their way to push their child up was unconventional and hurtful. It makes everything worse.

'They're liars.' thought Heejin, remember painful events that broke her, remembering words that weren't genuine because her parents couldn't keep them and lied in the end.

"You're not listening again, right?"

Oh. Oh no.

That's when her throat broke and tears were about to stream down, she has to contain them or the girl will let out noisy whimpers.

Hyunjin's dad grabbed Heejin by the shoulders and shook her, not too harshly but enough to scare the girl. She yelps at the contact and greets her teeth, her eyes still shut.

"Look at me when I talk! I'm the one working in this family, the one providing you those clothes, this food, this roof and you can't even show appreciation? Can't even respect your poor parents" Exaggeration, as always.

Heejin recalls it all started when her parents were in a bad period with money and personal life problems. Now they're doing better, but Heejin became the issue. She was often sad and a bit too irritable. She thought it was normal teenage behavior, due to hormones, growing up, all of that.

It could have only been that, but it transformed into something bad because Heejin was in a vulnerable time.

If only Heejin hadn't had her parents suddenly pushing tons of expectations on her when she was already too hard on herself. If only she had guidance in her troubled time.

She had a bad period and needed help, but her parents didn't support her, didn't give her enough attention. How is she supposed to feel anything when her parents rejected her pleadings, how is she supposed to stand in that world if her parents didn't acknowledge anything about her to help her grow?

Thee would always say "We are the adults and your parents, you're just a teenager" like that gave any pass to take advantage of another person, like that was excusable and normal. Just like that, throwing away Heejin's poor crushed heart, draining its vivid colors. 

There was a time of happiness, but it changed and when Heejin got older, darkness invaded her world. Her relationships with her parents got worse.

Why is she recalling this now? Because she regrets not telling them? Would that change anything? Did she even already tried once? She should stop thinking about this, because her heart is already beating way too fast, scarping her chest with its quicked and forced movements, hurting as always.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to deal with your case. Now go away." he let her go and went down the stairs with heavy steps.

'Huh?... What just happened? Why is he acting like this??' Heejin anxiously thinks. He wasn't "supposed" to act that way. Normally it's much more damaging, much more explosive.

Strangely enough, the thought that her father was less violent against her, mixed with the dread that ate her this whole day leading to actually nothing, made Heejin cry so much. Was she delusional to be on edge almost all-day and coming back home to... nothing compared to usual? Was she right to feel that way because every time something bad happened when she misbehaved? Heejin can't deal with her own confused and fuzzy brain right now

So the out of step-girl rushed to her room, falling on her bed and screaming in her pillow, drenching the sheets plus her clothes.

She can't deal with all this constant stress anymore, this life that constantly can only take parts of her from her, this world that steals everything away and leaves her with awful feelings. Life is stealing her heart, her self, her happiness.

Her heart sinks deep inside and pulses too hard, violent waves of despair electrifying her boiling blood, killing her slowly.

She chokes on her sobs, the same as this cursed morning. What happened tonight wasn't even that bad compared to normal but it drowns her anyway. It's wicked, sick.

Heejin is sick. She feels like she'll throw up but she's frozen in place, sobbing messily.

Naturally, she isolates herself when she feels bad. She felt bad for a while so it became a habit. An unhealthy habit. Heejin's left alone with her busy mind thinking about every terrible, worst-case scenario that could happen because of what she did in the past that might get used against her, or what will happen and what she should do. She's on edge.

Her parents made her that way. Bad events from life made her that way. Heejin hates it, she hates how she can't do anything except crying and destroying any hope she has, all alone.

It's sickening to think that she destroys herself even more with her mind due to things other people made, that exterior factors made. Her parents are probably not even thinking about her most of the time yet there she is, bleeding every day because of them. That's unfair.

Heejin materializes her parents' image in front of her eyes and turns it around, changes perspective, always ending on that same burning truth, being that it's wrong. She can't specify what is, she just knows it is, maybe everything is, even her, she feels it too much. Heejin is so scared and guilty right now, maybe her dad was right.

"Maybe I should just... Fuck- Ack!" She grunts and contorts herself on her bed. Her head hurts badly, her whole body threatens to give out and her heart stings so bad, she wants to take it out of her heated body and crush it completely to end it all.

"I want to die." She pronounces these words as dryly as possible, all the water she's let out finally running low. Her voice almost inaudible and broken, without any hint of glimmer in it, any glint of life. 

Heejin stops crying. She gets up, gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom upstairs. Her eyes are empty, her face expressing pure nothingness.

When she's in front of the cabin, her heart becomes a dark void. She couldn't care less about what was inside that small pharmaceutic cabin in front of her, she just knew she needed a ton of them.

Then, her reflection on the mirror attached to that same wooden cabin, that could end her fate if opened, attracted her eyes. Heejin finds pity for her reflection, then glares at herself, at her puffy eyes, the door to the soul as people say, and thinks, afflicted.

"Aren't you a hard-working person?"

'Shut up.' Heejin doesn't move, she's extremely stiff and tense.

"You can make great things when you want to, do you want to waste it all?"

'Shut... Up.' Heejin frowns angerly.

"What about your friends, will they be sad? Do you want to be responsible for their tears, and hurt them, like you do to your parents daily?"

"Shut up!!" Heejin screams, her voice shattering.

After that inner conflict, Heejin breaks down and cries as she weakly falls to her knees, defeated.

'I'm hurt, I'm so hurt... Why can't I be happy? Why is it so hard? I just want to breathe normally' she can't stop, every tear relieving her and breaking her down even more. She's exhausted, aching with sorrow.

Now she can only walk back to her room, put on her PJs and fall asleep, forgetting the exams she probably has tomorrow, she doesn't know. Repeating the cycle of getting worn out and failing school to then get "abused" by her parents and failing even more.

Heejin thought she did good at school, she was wrong apparently. Does that surprise her? She doesn't even know how to feel so even surprises end up dead.

It's just wrong, all the time.

'They're really the cause... Right?' 

It's all completely bitter, no other taste lightening her miserable routine.

For now, she falls asleep in her bed, unbothered by the fact that she didn't eat anything tonight, except her sweet friend's chocolate candies. It's a moment of peace she can only enjoy during seconds of dreams, dreams that take her far away and remind her of why she's still here today. Too bad they exist for only seconds, even more disappointing when she wakes up on a lonely winter morning and can't make what made her heart beating joyfully alive, even if it all appeared when her consciousness drove away, it felt so... nice. 

In the end, they'll surely be forgotten once Heejin gets dressed, living her dull routine, and coming back to haunt her when night falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thanks for reading this chapter of "Help is not needed". It's been a while since my last upload and I apologize, school has been eating me away and personal stuff came up but here is the new chapter!! It's short, yes, but it's not a filler, it was planned. I also have another story ready by about 70%, so yeah! 
> 
> (Also... I feel kind of bad for writing this about Heejin... But still, that's fiction and an Alternate Universe, those are characters I created, and even if they're inspired by people they're not them, so it's okay I suppose.) 
> 
> This chapter was heavy, there'll be more on the way, but there will also be cooler and cuter chapters you'll see.
> 
> As always, thanks for sticking with this story, take care of yourselves, I'll see you soon! :D  
And sorry again... (But don't worry!! I'll upload the story until its end. Even if I'm gone for a while, it doesn't mean I abandoned it.)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm the author of "Help is not needed", thank you for reading the beginning of this story :D I'll update new chapters when I have time but don't worry, I'll try to update at least, like, MINIMUM, once a week so stay tuned. What will happen next? I can't wait to write! The whole story won't just be centered around Heejin, even if she is the main "protagonist", and it won't be just dark/angst/hurt all the time. It's my first time writing something like this kind of story (publishing a story with multiple chapters, characters' developments that I hope to do well, etc) so I'm excited to see how it will go. I'll try to polish it as much as I can and make it an interesting story for you guys (and also because I'm a perfectionist most of the time), but I'll go my own pace (I won't leave you hanging for months, unless there is a BIG emergency or something, but it should be okay). I don't know how many chapters will be in this story, I don't want TOO many chapters, I want just the right amount so I won't rush this story. You can give feedbacks, subscribe, leave kudos, do whatever you want. I'll see you soon, bye! ;D Also, wow, I've written more for the prologue than I thought I would :O


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